Don't Drop the Soap
by Warriorlass
Summary: Okay this is a crack pairing I've been wanting to do, it's been on my personal wants for a while. So what really happens when you drop the soap?


Vash turned in his spot, the camera flashed, "Damn it...this sucks." He growled to himself. The barred door closed behind him and he looked at his cell mate. Vash nodded nervously. The tall Swedish man gave Vash a long glance and ended it with a curt nod. Vash was now officially, uneasy.

He carefully climbed to the top unoccupied bunk, and tried to make small talk, "So...whatcha in for?"

The Swedish man raised his eyebrows, and said, "I punch anyone who hurts my wife."

"Ah, I see." Vash nodded.

"We've been separated for a very long time." The Swedish guy said.

"Oh...you've punched that many guys?" Then Vash added, "Oh...you killed a guy huh?"

The Swedish man was silent.

"Sorry...that was a little insensitive of me." Vash said then laid down facing up at the ceiling. The Swede strode over and easily looked over at the smaller blonde. Vash jumped a little, "Damn...you really are freakishly tall aren't yah?"

The Swede only gave Vash his hand, "I'm Berwald."

Vash smiled lightly, "I'm Vash, pleasure to meet you."

Soon they were eating lunch, and a big Russian man came and sat by Vash.

"Hey there little one, you want to rendezvous to my cell?"

"Back off, Ivan." Berwald growled.

Ivan gave Berwald a light scowl, "Ah don't you always ruin my fun da."

Then the Russian left, leaving the two blondes alone.

"Not good company?" Vash asked.

Berwald nodded, "He can be troublesome at times."

Vash nodded his head in understanding and went back to his meal.

"What are you in for?" Berwald suddenly asked.

Vash grinned, "Getting shit-faced drunk and then firing a few rounds at my local bar, I shot someone in the arm, and so I wound up here."

Berwald nodded, "Vash, we are friends, so I will protect you."

Vash smiled, "Hey thanks man."

A man named Gilbert laughed, "I'm the most awesome prisoner in this hold!"

Vash chuckled and shook his head.

Gilbert gave him a sour look, "You don't think so?" He then drew back his arm and was about to land a punch but Berwald caught his fist and crumpled Gil's hand.

"Agh!" Gilbert grunted and then whined as his hand broke.

Then Berwald punched him for good measure.

"No one messes with my friend." Berwald said standing.

That next morning, the prisoners were in a big shower room. A blonde haired guy, a "friend" of Berwald's named Matthias snickered, "Don't drop the soap."

"Hehehe...thanks." Vash said a little nervously.

Five minutes in, guess what he did?

He dropped the soap.

Vash stiffened, the soap was only two inches from his foot.

"Get it, don't worry, I've got your back." Berwald said.

Vash gave a sigh of relief and picked up the soap.

But when he did, Berwald entered, making Vash give a sharp cry, "AHAH!" A tear leeked from his eye, "What the hell Berwald what about your wife?"

Berwald smiled, "I'm looking at him. Gilbert tried to hurt you yesterday and I punched him, I told you, I punch anyone who hurts my wife."

"Then what are you really in for?" Vash said as his back now leaned against Berwald's chest, as he waited for the pain to subside.

Berwald turned Vash's face to his, and kissed the small blonde.

"The world may never know."

- Extended Ending-

Vash laid beside Berwald, wrapped in the stronger man's arms after an hour of passionate sex. "So what are you in for?"

Berwald chuckled, "You really wanna know?"

Vash nodded.

Berwald answered, "I stole a loaf of bread, for I am Jean Valjean."

Vash sighed, "You obviously know Francis."

Berwald nodded and held his lover close, "Honestly, I sent the man to a hospital, he's alive but it was simply a bar brawl. I'm getting out tomorrow."

"Oh...that's great." Vash said with a hint of sadness.

The next day Berwald left after kissing Vash, and then the following day the warden said, "Alright, you're getting an early bail."

"Really?" Vash asked, wondering who had enough money to bail him out.

When it came time to meet his bailer, he saw Berwald.

"Turns out you're friend over there has quite a wallet. Have fun."

Vash smiled and jumped into Berwald's arms.

And the two lived a life of luxury and passion.


End file.
